if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
