The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
