Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
The beer is more important than you right now.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
