You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
