Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
