so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
