there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
