covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
