Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
