What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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