yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I need to sanitize my soul.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
