tonight lets celebrate not being married
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
