Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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