i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
As shirtless as possible
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
