Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i dont even know how to be here
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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