Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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