3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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