so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
