A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
