I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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