someone get that fucking seahorse.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
