I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
