dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
