Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
