Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
