she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Randomize
