That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
whose ass print is on the piano?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
