We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Damn victory sex feels great
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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