she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
