i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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