He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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