yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Are my feet made of real feet?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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