girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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