she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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