You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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