matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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