My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
