Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
