there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
