No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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