she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
