I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
