Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize