I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
