Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
