Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
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We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
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