i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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