So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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