He told me they were just razor bumps!
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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