I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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