What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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