Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
