I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
