my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Randomize
