My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
