if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
