3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
