wakey wakey hands off snakey
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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