I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
