Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
im holly from the hills drunk
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
