This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
