Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
