just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize