Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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