Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
