I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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