maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
