Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
