you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
