hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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