I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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