How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
