Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
