If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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