After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
