the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
