how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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