I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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