tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
